Why Do We Find It So Hard Being Honest?

I feel like i always rant my way through my posts but i promise this is just a little moan with purpose.
So me & Jenine (my sister) went to a branch of wagamamas last Saturday for a couple starters at around 4.45 pm right. No word of a lie, we had some of the worst customer service ever.  

We waited over half an hour for a glass of WATER, had a late starter delivered shortly after (which was obviously forgotten about), and didn't have anyone come over for the 'bill talk' for about 25 mins while all the staff avoided eye contact and sipped god knows what by the bar? 

Listen, I work in a retail environment with all sorts of customers so i get it, it gets a bit much sometimes... i mean you work as a team but your'e still only one person with one pair of hands. But mate, it wasn't even 6 o'clock, the restaurant was more than half empty and the staff all looked baffled or bored. So fast forward to us GOING UP to the tills and asking to pay, one of the waitresses asked us

'Was everything okay with your meal?'...I kept quiet (on purpose) whilst my sister instinctively replied 'yes, thanks' Which leads me on to the point of this post. Why do we find it so hard to say no? Or just be honest in general?

According to google 60% of adults can't have 10 minute conversation without lying. I mean... we're all human, we're all guilty of exaggerating details of our lives to make our netflix + deliveroo filled weekend sound less sad.                                 Or like you know those nights out you'd really rather not go out on? Why do we get so in our feelings by not being invited to things we were only ever going to say no to anyway? 

Maybe we like the fact that we've crossed people's minds, had them go to the effort of reaching out to us, and given us the option to decline the invitation...which is more satisfying than not been given the option in the first place even though the answer would've remained the same. Right?

                           

I'm a fairly confident person, and am always forthcoming with my thoughts and opinions but then on the other hand i think that in some rare situations a little white lie or keeping your lips sealed is just easier. Like for example, the wagamamas situation... in cases like that it's always at the back of my mind to pick my battles and not feed into the 'angry black woman' character they're expecting and cause a 'stereotypical' scene.

  9 times out of 10 people are equipped to handle the truth, so our half truths and forced smiles/nods are unnecessary. You feel so much better when you've been honest with people and sometimes it takes you being cruel to be kind with friends, family or coworkers for you to be genuinely respected and perhaps even gain a thank-you for it in the long run. The truth feels pretty freeing. Trust me.

1) Top - & Other Stories

2) Skirt - H&M

3) Trainers - & Other Stories

4) Photography - Sofie Hyland Ward

An Open Conversation on Friendship

Just got back from my bestfriend's birthday after showering her with hugs, presents and unsuccessfully trying to embarass her by forcing her to dance with strangers in the middle of oxford st at 10 at night. But no it all seriously got me thinking about the 'friends' i currently have in my life and the effort i make (or sadly don't) on my part to keep them.

Personally i feel like actually making the effort to be a 'good friend' within friendships gets so much harder the older you get. Being able to be an advice filled good listener, be queen inspector morse when it comes to new potential partners and be at every single birthday or event is sometimes hard work, and gets harder the more genuine friends you gain. 

Then on the other hand, coming to the realization that you've just outgrown one another or in different places in your life is also a hard pill to swallow.

Like actually just arranging a time & place to meet up for a quick catch up you gotta take into consideration: Your work schedule, combined with their work schedule, combined with different paydays, slow money months, distance and other relationships or issues that might 'force' them to cancel last min. 

Not that you gotta meet up with your friends like every week to actually maintain your friendship but for me as i've grown up ive clocked it's pretty much my go to option as

 a) i'm not a caller, b) i take at least 5 to 6 hours to respond to messages, and c) i listen to voicenotes, will start to record and forget everything i was meant to respond to and just end up sending a 5 minute voicenote full of 'umm's' and 'oh what was i gonna say again'?'.

Having worked a lot of jobs and gone through school, 2 colleges and uni, I've been in and out of a lot of whatspp group chats, lost friends by 'association', had almost half a year group cut me off and then cut me back in, and learned that chicks before dicks might just be the realest saying ever. Almost every friend i have has a different idea what they mind and don't mind in friendships, so in order to keep them alive i've had to grow out of  things like not being a caller, and learn to be ok with people wanting me to meet them (what feels like) half way across the earth because they don't live in south london.

Having good friends around you is so necessary. To your growth, mental health, happiness and i guess your ability to function in different social situations lol.

Making an effort in whatever form you and your friends do is so important. Nobody knows your friendship as well as you and the people/person in it and learning to value the people that are happy for me when good things happen, and take my secrets to the grave is something i never wanna be guilty of taking advantage of.

1. Bodysuit: Topshop

2. Trousers: Zara

3. Bag: Zara

4. Photography: Sofie Hyland Ward

Grad Life in 2017

Its about 1.30am on a Tuesday night and I can't sleep.. any other 23 year old would probably either be in bed scrolling through Instagram before anxiously cramming in sleep before the 6am wake up call for their 7am commute to their central london 9-5 or half way through their shift at a bar somewhere in central london clock watching while holding out the contactless card machine.

I'm sort of at the in between stage where I'm happy with the money I'm making, the people around me and the environment I work in (most times). But anyone that knows me knows that:

I get bored super easy.. But i guess that's ok when your 16 working the odd shift waiting tables after college but once your out of uni and start living adult life it gets tricky. From constantly being updated about your friends new job position or promotion or buisness venture via facebook to old school friends pictures of them in dubai then in morocco, then in cannes.. 

I mean I would honestly give my left arm to be my own boss and own something of my own, make the rules as I go and have an all bad ass female team working with me. Some days I wake up and think should I just book a one way ticket to like a European city and just roll with the punches? Or like just work my ass off, quit my job and go travelling permanently? 

I hate that society's won in making me feel like I'm not measuring up to people who've graduated and are creating couture spacesuits for Richard Branson when he goes to space. Or like someone who's just started interning and is now second in line to take over asos. 

 I feel like social media plays a massive part in it all too. Having linkedin can be a dope way to network and all that but is also real shit for your self esteem if you've got every Tom, dick and harry you went to school with who have about 6000 connections each and 100 previous jobs between them.

Like as long as I'm happy, I really don't care anymore. I like the fact that even though I'm not where i want to be career wise just yet, I'm muddling through and making the most of being a 23 year old with little major responsibility and accepting the fact that's it's ok to not have it all figured out just yet. It's ok to still not know what career field you want to settle into or whether or not you'll be deemed 'successful' by your mid 20's. It's your chapter, it's your book. Write it how you want. 

1) Top: & Other Stories
2) Dungarees: Topshop
3) Necklace: Vintage amsterdam stall

For, Mum

So, it's two days till mothers day and I mean if i could shower my mum with fererro rochers and tulips everyday i would but as im getting older im realising it's more the time spent with her and the words i say or write in a card that she keeps forever than the materialistic sh*t we wrap up & give her that she looks forward to. Like, the older i get the more i seem to appreciate and value the day

Now i ain't saying i weren't a good kid growing up but i weren't an angel either. Ngl high school is actually satan's playground. So throughout my school years i went through a stage (like we all did) of going against everything my mum wanted for and from me. 

It got to the point where she would confiscate my straighteners (my most prized possession at 13), i'd borrow my friends the same day at school, bring it home and straighten my hair that night pretty much in her face. I'd forge her signature on my report cards, skip school to stay home and collect letters addressed to her from my school about stuff i'd been in trouble for and the list goes on. 

To me, my mum was public enemy number one.

It's crazy to think at that age you have so much pent up aggression towards your mum and it's a shame that it's only when you've outgrown your teenage drama queen stage, you realise everything your mum told you was right and everything she wanted for you was because: she didn't have it herself, she's been there, brought the t shirt and only wants the best for you. At the age of 22 my mum's the most important woman in my life, and i cringe thinking about how much of a cow i was to her. Don't get me wrong i could have been way worse as a kid growing up and we clash at least once a week, but honestly i believe she's heaven sent. 

And although my dad's always been in the picture and they've been married for like forever, shes always worked for everything she's ever had, encouraged me to do the same, instilled in me life lessons that i could write a book on, and been the perfect role model. I still won't make any vital decisions without calling my mum and hearing her voice and opinion before i go ahead.

I remember my mum using the phrase 'i was 16 too once you know!' on me about 2000 times a day, and me rolling my eyes thinking: 'ugh, what when the pyramids were being built?'.. Now looking back i know what she was really saying was: 'whatever your'e about to do, or wherever your about to go, i'm two steps ahead of your ass'. And she still always is.. mum's are like superhuman's it's like their brains are wired to know everything about you: lies, plans, plans about lies! But i wouldn't change a thing about my superhuman. Love ya ma!

1. Hat: Missguided
2. Hoodie: Primark
3. Skirt: & Other Stories
4. Bag: Charity Shop
5. Boots: H&M
6. Sleeveless Jacket: New Look

Fancy Pants

Ok so all these festival line up's being released over the past month is making me want to work my ass off all the way through spring/early summer to fund these bloody tickets. 

Right now, wireless is making all my festival dreams come true but making my pockets thirsty af with the amount of dope ass rap artists on the bill. It's most definitely looking like i'm booking at least 2/3 of the dates. I mean, i honestly feel like i have to see chance the rapper perform 'no problem' live before i die? Secondly, skepta's bae, so...enough said. And the weeknd 'party monster' live ...would just be a madnesssss and you know it.

Then there's v fest..Honestly even knowing Pink just might do a few tracks from the misunderstood album is helping me reach a decision toward tickets; and then there's Stormzy.... i don't need to say anything else tbh do i. 

Lastly, coachella is 100% on my bucket list of things to do before i die, but that's obvs way way off!

 

I don't know what it is, but after my first trip to wireless a few years back I've made it my mission to try & go to a festival every summer. You get such a buzz off being in a sea of people, outside, with drinks flowing, sun shining, surrounded by friends, everyone feeling turnt and lit just enjoying live music from amazing artists.

And then thinking about the money your spending on tickets in ratio to the amount of artists your seeing performing live all day. It's a no brainer tbh. I think of it as a little money that i can work off, going towards uh-mazing memories with my favourite people at my favorite time of year.

1. Coat: & Other Stories
2. Top: H&M
3. Trousers: Zara
4. Trainers: Nike
5. Necklace: Vintage Market